


no you don't understand that thing is disgusting

by fulmiinata



Category: Free!
Genre: #YOLO, Crack, Everyone here is a little bitch, Gen, Gross Tarantulas, I Don't Even Know, I prolly used way too many italics, I'm Sorry, Kink Meme, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 22:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fulmiinata/pseuds/fulmiinata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which, the spiders in Australia have nothing on the one in Rin's bathroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no you don't understand that thing is disgusting

**Author's Note:**

> From [this prompt](http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/1476.html?thread=1349060#cmt1349060) on the kink meme. 
> 
>  
> 
> This is just a bunch of crack, I'm so sorry.

“I am going to _kill_ Mikoshiba,” Rin growls as he storms into his room and slams the door shut behind him. There’s a deadly glint in his eyes, one that further cements his most recent oath. 

“What’s wrong, Matsuoka-senpai?” asks Nitori, who peers over at Rin from his bunk with furrowed eyebrows. “Did Mikoshiba-buchou do something to make you angry?”

The look Rin shoots the younger boy is enough to make flowers wilt, and if Nitori wasn’t already used to it, he’d be positively cowering in fear. He’s clenching his jaw so tightly, that Nitori fleetingly worries that he’ll grind his teeth into dust. 

“Did he do something to make me angry? I don’t know, Nitori, _you tell me_.” the redhead shoves his phone practically up Nitori’s nose, a text conversation pulled up on the screen. Quickly he scans over the messages, seeing nothing wrong.

To: Me  
From: Gou  
 _Oniisan! I hope your day is going as well as mine - Mikoshiba-kun asked me out on a date!_

To: Gou  
From: Me  
 _GOU. WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY._

To: Gou  
From: Me  
 _GOU. ANSWER ME._

To: Mikoshiba  
From: Me  
 _if you lay a hand on my sister i s2g you return home a stump_

“I-I don’t un-understand, Matsuoka-senpai, you’re upset that Mikoshiba-buchou is taking Gou-san on a date?” as soon at the question leaves his mouth Nitori regrets it. 

“Of course I’m _upset_ Nitori — an idiot like him has no place taking my baby sister anywhere, much less on a date.” 

The anger surrounding Rin is so thick it’s almost tangible. Nitori gulps, carefully trying to select his next few words — they could very well be the ones that determine whether or not he dies an early death. “I’m not surprised th-that buchou would want t-to ask your sister on a date, I mean, she’s very cute and…”

“Are you saying you want to date my sister, Nitori?” The older boy’s voice is dangerously low; Nitori would almost prefer it is he was yelling. 

“W-w-what?! N-No! Not at all! I-I would _never_ —”

“What, so now she’s too ugly for you? Are you calling Gou ugly?”

Clearly there is no way Nitori is going to live past today, because the front of his T-shirt is now balled up in Rin’s hand and he’s being pulled down from his bed and the floor is now getting closer and closer to his face—

The carpet smells like feet. Also, there is a very suspicious-looking hair wedged in it, dangerously close to Nitori’s lips. A disgusted sounds flies out of his mouth as the silver-haired boy scrambles off the ground and onto his feet. 

Maybe having his face smashed into the carpet wasn’t such a bad idea, now that Nitori gives it a second thought. He’s right up in Rin’s face, who is giving a death glare the likes of which he is positive no one in existence has ever seen. 

The two of them continue to stare at each other, Nitori’s watery blue gaze no match for Rin’s piercing red one. 

“I, um, I think I’m going to shower now, M-Matsuoka-senpai!” says the first-year, immediately turning away to snatch up his towel from his desk chair. He dashes to the bathroom. 

Rin scoffs, rolling his eyes and shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweats. He goes to his desk and places a hand on his chair, sliding it out to take a seat. There’s a test in Calculus tomorrow, and he needs to go over his notes one last time. From the bathroom he can hear the rings over the shower curtain rub against the rod as it’s being the pulled back, and the sound of water rushing out of the tap. Rin decides to ignore it — it isn’t overly distracting, and he needs to concentrate on his work. 

“RIN!” That yell, however _is_ distracting. It’s shrieky and very very loud, on top of how weird it is to hear Nitori call Rin something other than ‘Matsuoka-senpai’. The redhead debates whether or not he should go see what’s wrong, but Nitori beats him to the punch — he’s already flown out of the bathroom, completely naked except for a tiny towel wrapped around his waist. 

“OH MY GOD _OH MY GOD_.” the younger teen climbs up to his bed frantically. intense fear etched on his face. 

“Nitori what the hell is wrong with you,” Rin’s got an arm draped over the back of the chair, face turned toward his roommate. 

The kid’s white as his sheets. “Sp-sp-spIDER! THERE IS A SPIDER IN THE BATHROOM.”

Rin’s mouth almost scrapes across the floor. “Really? A _spider_? Trust me, you have never seen a real spider until you’ve gone to Australia for a good five years. Do not give me that bullshit.” He rises from his seat, picking up the first textbook he sees—

“Wait no, don’t use that one it’s new I would hate to get spider guts on it—”

“All right, just shut up.” 

—then puts it down and picks up his shitty English one instead, and goes into the bathroom. 

What he sees is the most terrifying creature to ever present itself to man. It’s scarier than any Redback or Sydney Funnel-Web he’s ever seen, with eight legs each as long as his middle finger, and an absolutely disgusting hair-covered body. If he didn’t know better, Rin would have thought that the spider was plotting the best way to kill him slowly when it turned all of its eyes to him. He doesn’t wanted to get _started_ on those fangs, either. So, he gulps audibly, turns around and books it the hell out of the bathroom. 

“W-well?” Nitori’s cocooned in his comforter, with only his face visible. “Did you kill—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence, since Rin practically leaps from the floor onto Nitori’s bunk. “Did you _see_ that thing?! Fucker was the size of my face! If it comes out, there is now way I’m the one that’ll die first.”

“But you just said that real spiders only existed in Australia—”

“I swear to god Nitori if you finish that sentence—”

“GO KILL THE SPIDER!”

“LIKE HELL! THAT THING LOOKS LIKE IT COULD SWALLOW ME, THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING BACK IN THERE.”

To Rin’s disdain, Nitori’s face begins to scrunch up, his eyes becoming watery all over again. Fat tears spurt from them, cascading down his cheeks. He pulls the comforter tighter around himself.

“I don’t want to die!” wails the teen. “I’m never going to be able to use that bathroom again!”

“Hey, wait, stop _stop_ —” The spider ambles out the bathroom. “fucKING SHIT!” 

Rin thrusts his hand into his pocket, fingers wrapping around his phone. He slides it open, pressing the number 3 speed dial on the keypad. 

_”Hello?”_

“Makoto!” cries the redhead, his breathing shallow. “Makoto, come over here right now!”

_”Rin, is something the matter? You sound very—”_

“I said fucking come over here right now!” Rin hastily hangs up, pushing himself back against the wall as the spider nears the bottom bunk. Nitori does the same. 

“Oh my god I am going to die I am seriously going to die and I’m not wearing clean underwear I’m not wearing _any_ underwear…” 

Red and blue eyes follow the movements of the large spider—Rin’s starting to think it’s a tarantula—closely, teeth digging into lips every time it nears the bed again. It appears as though the arachnid is teasing them, as it prances on all eight legs about the room. Some fifteen minutes pass, when Rin and Nitori are positive that their incisors are going to pierce through their bottom lips and their hearts will erupt out of their chests, the doors swings open calmly, slicing through the tension in the dorm. 

“So what was it that you needed, Rin? I can’t stay too long, Haru’s been itching to go the beach— _OHMYGOD._ ” Makoto is frozen in the doorway, green eyes stretching to roughly the size of plates at the sight of the tarantula. No one that big should be able to squeak the way the brunette just did, and he launches himself onto the chair still in front of Rin’s desk.

“RINRINRINRINRIN WHAT IS THAT DOING HERE _WHY WOULD YOU SHOW THIS TO ME YOU KNOW I’M SCARED OF SPIDERS_ OH MY GOD IT’s GIGANTIC—”

“Are you saying you can’t kill it?!” Everyone in the small dorm is either screaming, crying, shaking, or all three at once. Plus, Rin is absolutely horrified that even Makoto can’t help them. 

This can only end badly. 

Once again the tarantula scuttles towards the bottom bunk, but it veers off a bit, and makes contact with the wall. Slowly, it places on leg in front of the other, beginning its ascent up the wall. 

“ _MAKOTO_ ,” 

“ _RIN_ ,”

‘Please no one say Nitori,’ flashes through the silver-haired boy’s mind. 

“Hey guys, when you stop yelling can you do me a favor?” Kobayashi from across the hall pokes his head into the room. One of his thin brows is arched at the sight before him; Nitori curled up in a fetal position on the bed, comforter wrapped around him tightly, Rin backed against the wall like’s trying to go through it, and Makoto standing on the chair and gripping it like a lifeline. “What the hell is wrong with you guys? And who are you?” he asks, directing that last part to Makoto. 

The taller teen doesn’t answer. He just shakes his head and points one trembling finger at the spider that’s still climbing up the wall. 

Kobayashi’s earlier expression of confusion melts away instantly, and turns into one of absolute delight. 

“Tito!” he cries. He walks inside, over to the the tarantula, and takes into his hand. “I found you!”

Rin is pissed. That fucking creature of hell belongs to _Kobayashi_? Kobayashi, the most irresponsible, scatterbrained teenager on the planet? “Are you fucking kidding me?” the redhead detaches himself from the wall, descending from the Nitori’s bunk in a fluid motion. “That _thing_ is yours? And you lost it?” 

Kobayashi’s no little bitch; just like Nitori, he’s used to the Matsuoka’s infamous death glares. In fact, a lot of people on the swim team are. He returns it with his own glittery brown gaze, one so irritatingly carefree that it could give Nagisa a run for his money. “Wasn’t my fault, Matsuoka—Naoki musta left the lid open on Tito’s tank.” his laugh is warm, like he’s talking about some kid who mispronounced a word as opposed to almost sending three people into cardiac arrest. “It won’t happen again, promise.”

Kobayashi walks out, Tito still in hand, and everyone else is silent. 

Makoto clears his throat, and gets off the chair in an almost calm manner. “Ah, well, I guess that’s my cue to leave, then. I’ll see you around Rin, Rin’s roommate.” he says, and his hand is still shaking as he waves goodbye and leaves. 

Rin flops down on his bed with a muffled thump. He hopes that by mashing his face into the pillow the past hour will have disappeared from his mind. 

“M-Matsuoka-senpai?” Nitori’s voice is meek, also muffled. 

“What.”

“Could... could you get my clothes from the bathroom? I don’t think I’m going to shower after all.”

Wordlessly Rin agrees, and strides into the bathroom. 

“FUCKING SHIT.”


End file.
